Moments for the Heart

In some ways, I am okay with expressing my emotions. Gosh, even Carolyn and I joke about it. I am the female in the relationship, and she is the guy. Not that I bawl over everything, But I have a particular perspective that is different than most males. ‘Take it on the chin and move on’ is not so much my style. I stew. So, I suppose it’s better to say the male in me is at war with the feminine qualities I carry.

Going Along for the Ride

The past several weeks have been a roller coaster. On the last day of VBS, I suffered a seizure episode. The next day I had several others. The following week Audrey had a fainting spell. She’s had them in the past, but it’s never a pleasant experience. We called out a paramedic, then a trip to the ER. Then I came down with Bronchitis. I am still battling it as I write. Then on Monday, I got the call about my sister. I knew what the call was about the moment I saw my mom’s name on the caller ID. I had just talked to her on Father’s Day.

Sibling Rivalry

You know how relatives are, especially siblings. You may not talk as often as you’d like, but you have each other’s backs. And the moment you get on the phone, it’s like not a day has passed since you talked last. Yeah, there is a bit of catching up to do, but that forgotten time is not spoken of or held against anyone. It had been a couple of years since my sister and I had really talked. A hit and miss conversation, but not as much as there should have been. I could blame distance, but even when we lived in California, it was that way.

Losing Contact

I think I’ve spoken to Jennifer more in the last year than I have in the last fifteen years since I came back to Texas. And I know communication goes both ways, but I know my sister was not in a good position for many of those years. The Congestive Heart Failure that took her life was due to the drug use she chose to take part in. She finally did walk away from that lifestyle. For a long time, she was clean, but by then, it was already too late; the damage to her heart was pretty much irreversible.

Phoning Home

About a year and a half ago, I got a call from my mom telling me that the doctors told my sister that there was nothing else they could do; she had two years at most. That would be if she did her best to live according to their standards. But if you know my sister, she would not become a hermit. Mind you, she did not go out and live wildly, either. She did her best to do what they suggested. But she did not limit herself either. For one, she came out to visit us this last Christmas. They did not say ‘no,’ but didn’t give her the full green light either. Elevation and pressure are not suitable for a weak heart.

The Silent Good-bye

Everyone silently knew Jennifer’s trip to Texas would most likely be the last time we’d see her. But with her spunkiness, we spent the time in good spirits and tried to do as much as we could at her beckoning. She did have a bit of trouble adjusting to Texas food, but hey, many others have that issue. We determined it was more quantity than quality, so we helped her modify her intake. But again, hey, were talking Texas AND my cooking. Who could blame her.

That goodbye was challenging, to say the least.

The report is that she went to bed and didn’t wake up the next morning. Whether she experienced a cardiac event, we don’t know. But my aunt said she looked peaceful and not in any position that would suggest she was in distress.

Her First Love

Jennifer loved to be with and help the family. She was helping care for her aunt and grandmother. Not that they needed it. They are as strong-willed as anyone in our family is. That is one trait my mom’s side is known for. Guess I carry it as well. It has carried me far in my journey as a writer and life. My poor mom. Two tenacious children. Sorry mom. And Jennifer fought her way through addiction and then through her diagnosis. Still helping others, considering their welfare above her own.

Her Final Moments

She had a spurt there at the end. Like two weeks of energy that seemed to come out of nowhere. She went to our aunt’s (different aunt) birthday party, and I was told she was dancing. They went to her daughter’s house, and she was in better spirits than she had seen. I know she had seen her son, which she hadn’t seen in a while. Then she called me to wish me an early Happy Father’s Day, and we talked for almost an hour. We rarely talk on the phone. She was gone a week later.

On a Jet Plane

Now I’m making plans to fly to California for the celebration of her life. Not sure what to expect, but I am prepared. I think. Back to the girl and guy thing. I’m okay unless I see others upset. So, if someone plans for me to be the strong one, well, sorry. I will sit there and cry with you. But not crying may seem cold, and I don’t want that either. I don’t know. We shall see next weekend.

I look forward to seeing family and sharing love and memories of my Little Sis.

*The above photo is of me and my sister during her previous visit to Texas in 2011.