Good Afternoon Weekend Writing Warriors. We are back with another snippet from my still Untitled Work in Progress. It has been a crazy week for me. I was in a car accident on Monday which threw me for a loop. I walked away from it with some bruising from the seat belt and air bag, a banged up knee, and a sprained ankle. Other than my car being totaled everything else is okay. The guy I hit, as far as I know, is okay as well. He left the hospital before I did with neck and back stiffness. I know God had his hand on us both.
Switching gears, no pun intended, thank you for all the shares and for those of you who have supported Little Reminders of Who I Am. If you haven’t had the opportunity yet, you can swing by Amazon and grab your copy. If you have read it already please leave a review where you purchased it as well as on Goodreads. I appreciate it!!
First, if you want to catch up on all the snippets that lead up to this point, I have set up a tab for my WeWriWa posts. Just follow the link and you can be easily be up to sped with us, rather than scrolling through posts.
Now, let’s get to it!! We left Grady in an awkward situation last week with Masters handing off the smooth talking landlady to him. Let’s see how he handles it:
Where we left off:
“What if I need to reach ya’?”
Masters grinned over to Grady. “My partner is going to give you a card, if you have any questions give him a call and he will get back to you, as soon as he is able.”
Lieutenant Daniel Masters is a 27-year veteran Savannah Georgia Major Crimes Detective. He has seen many crime scenes like the one he saw last February. Little did he know this one would change his life. Grady, the newest addition to his team, is the first to see the abnormalities, but will the rest of the team listen in time. There is a serial murder on the loose in South Georgia, and for some reason the killer leaves their final victim alive right before committing suicide. But why? Masters and Grady must find out before its too late and the next killer strikes again.
“What ‘bout you?” Miss Keppler asked, never giving Grady a glance.
“I am fresh out of them,” Masters lied.
“All I have are my Atlanta cards, haven’t gotten my local ones yet.” Grady said pulling one from his coat.
“Just write the main line to Atwood, and she can reach us in the field,” Masters suggested.
“Right,” Grady said with just enough delayed tone that Master again rolled his eyes, grabbed the card and wrote the number himself. He handed the card to Miss Keppler.
“Now if you will excuse us, we have official business to finish up here Miss Keppler,” said Masters escorting her toward the door. He shut and locked the door behind her.
“Holy Guacamole, I thought we’d never be able to get rid of her,” one of the officers said from the window.
“You okay, Lawson?” the other asked.
***Well Fellow Warriors that is this week’s ten. But I have kept you waiting for the murder scene for so long, I have to give you something, so here we go…***
Lawson was back to a gentle shade of pink, but he didn’t reply. He picked up his paperwork and continued with his questions. Both Grady and Masters listened as the two officers recounted the events of what happened up to and after they came upstairs while their superior officer secured the perimeter downstairs.
The story goes that the two officers, Clarke and Ryan, arrived at twenty-one thirty, on the heels of Lawson. He had exited the building after speaking to the man who had called in the disturbance. His upstairs neighbor, Mr. Nelson, was arguing with a visitor just before a series of violent yells, then nothing. The man reported that after the second piercing scream, it had frightened him enough to dial 9-1-1.
By the time Lawson had arrived the man who didn’t want to be named said the screaming had stopped for about five minutes. The man also reported to hearing a loud truck pulling up to the rear of the complex. He pointed out that there was a back entrance that only residents can get in with a key. He got that far with the witness when Clarke and Ryan pulled up. He sent them inside while he went around back to check out the truck.
Well, that was fun. A lot going on in this scene. We finish up with the edgy landlord and we move into what you all have been waiting for.
So, here we are. Getting to the nitty gritty. I am still working on the wording. Please let me know if it is confusing in any way. But, put on your running shoes, the pace only picks up from here campers… or should I say warriors.
We get a few paragraphs into it and to get through the entire scene will take a couple of snippets. So, tune in next week for the next exciting installment.
(is it just me or whenever I hear ‘tune in next week” my mind slips of into a Rocky and Bullwinkle episode with a ‘tune in next time’ theme?… So tune in next time for Masters and Keppler Sing Showtunes or The Demotion of Detective Grady.)
Moments of the Heart is not just this website. I have a Facebook page that has something going on everyday of the week. Come on over, follow, and interact with my page to check it out! Here is what you can expect to find there.
Monday is Memory Monday – I share an important event that occurred on that Monday or sometime that particular week.
Tuesday is Talk About it Tuesday – I post a weekly video where I cover a topic that has meant something to me over the past week.
Wednesday is when I post my blog for the week.
Thursday is This or That Thursday – A weekly poll that gives followers a choice between two options.
Friday is Fun Fact Friday – I find and share an interesting or obscure fact.
Saturdays is for Weekend Writing Warriors – This is when I post my 8 Sentence Snippet from a current or past work.
I really am trying to make it fun and engaging. Something that people look forward to visiting. It has been something that has been on my heart (no pun intended) for a long time and I am now acting on it. I would love your support!!
– Little Reminders of Who I Am is now available for purchase on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and other booksellers.
–The Five Barred Gate is still available on Amazon in Hardback, Paperback, and Kindle versions.
–You can purchase TFBG direct from me on my Home Page. The benefit of buying direct is you will receive a personalized signed copy!!
–My Children’s books, Elissa the Curious Snail are also on Amazon. There are 4 books about an adorable snail teaching children about prayer and believing in themselves.
–Finally you can see all updates regarding the progress of this current Untitled work in progress.
Fellow Warriors, I also have have a weekly blog that is posted in between these snippets. I would love to hear your thoughts.
AND if you have little warriors running around I now have many of my Children’s Short Stories on this website. They were originally on my Elissa the Curious Snail publisher’s website, but I now control that domain and have moved that content here. There are many stories for your little reader. These are great bedtime or anytime short stories.
In His Exciting Service,
Jeff S. Bray
Elissa the Curious Snail Series
Check out other amazing established and emerging writers at Weekend Writing Warriors. Each week we post new snippets from either our published works or our works in progress for each other to comment on. Get an insight on how the mind of a writer works and the behind the scenes of works before they hit the book stands everywhere.
14 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors 8 – 8/30/2020 – Untitled WIP”
Glad you’re okay, Jeff!! Collisions are scary business (this from a former auto insurance claim division worker!). Nice handling of this scene with both dialogue and brisk narrative. Lots of scattered clues to follow.
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Thank you. It is a day to day thing. I am just glad that writing is my job. I won’t lose time from work like someone who has a job outside the home. I loved writing this scene (it will take this plus two more snippets to cover it all) and I kinda grew frustrated that I couldn’t nail it. As you kinda see with some of the wording. But that is what editing is for. I know I’ll get there. 🙂
Glad you’re mostly okay after the accident! Enjoyed the excerpt. I do think it got a bit confusing: “He pointed out that there was a back entrance that only residents can get in with a key. He got that far with the witness when Clarke and Ryan pulled up. He sent them inside while he went around back to check out the truck.” The first ‘he’ is your witness and the second set of “he” pronouns is Lawson, right? I’m sure in spoken dialog (when this gets to be a movie 🙂 it wouldn’t be confusing.Maybe if there was a bit of body language – the officer points his pen at Lawson or something – or if he names Lawson or something to help the reader sort it out on the first pass. Enjoying the story, can’t wait for the next development!
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Yes, I agree. I found myself editing the snippet as I was going. The truck pulling up to the back was the issue I was having. I am going to put notes next to it when I go back to my editing phase. It does not play into the overall theme of the novel, so I am not going to touch it right now. There are a lot of people in this scene. Masters, Grady, Lawson, the witness, the two officers. I do need to do a better job of my pronouns in this scene. Thanks for the feedback 🙂
I think Veronica is spot-on.
I am enjoying this story! I can see a Masterson and Grady series of books. 🙂 I like their chemistry already.
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Got wrapped up in the snippet and forgot to tell you that I’m so glad the accident wasn’t worse! I hope your aches, bruises, and sprains heal quickly!
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Thank you. Ya, me too.
LOL. I gotta get this one first. And they both have to survive it. Who knows what lurks around the next corner.
You’ve given me a strong sense of the problem in front of your leads. I liked the tipster who wanted to remain anonymous.
It sounds like your accident may have given you some vivid details to store away until you write an accident scene!
No kidding. It is an amazing thing, being a writer. Whatever happens to us in life we immediately grab a pen and write it all down. We see life through the lense of ‘how can I implement this into my next book.’ Heh, nothing like a genuine experience to pull your reader in, though.
I’m glad you and the other driver are okay! As for the snippet, it seems there are a lot of leads that Masters will probably make Grady chase after. Maybe this will be his chance to shine in his new role!
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Thanks. He will most definitely be busy. And indeed shine. But some may not like it too much.
I am glad you weren’t hurt in the accident. My car was rear-ended last month by an elderly man and now the trunk doesn’t shut properly. I’m still working on trying to get it into the body shop.
I’ve only read a couple other snippets from the story so I would need to catch up, but I’ve liked what I’ve seen so far.
~Cie from Naughty Netherworld Press~
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Sorry, Cara. I meant to reply to you earlier. Yes, repairs can be exhausting.
As for catching up. I do have a category section dedicated to the past WeWriWa posts to make it easy to catch up. Here it is. https://momentsfortheheart.com/category/blog/weekend-writing-warriors/ It is also on the navigation bar of this website under Blogs. I snippeted from Chapter One. So the whole book is here, so far.