Hey Writing Community. Easter weekend. Just been doing some serious thinking the past week. As I mentioned last week I was at our church revival services, and now this week we have Easter services. I am trying to keep myself centered. Life does make that difficult. With writing being so egocentric at times, it becomes difficult for me to remember He gave me a gift, and I get to share that with all of you. The Transference was such a departure from anything I have ever written. I’m not sure if you have ever written anything that was away from your norm, but if you have, then you can understand the difficulty at times. I think I’ve captured the essence of a Crime Thriller while keeping my Christian roots engraved upon it.
Happy Easter everyone!! Hope you have time to visit a church near you before you dive into the snippets this week. God Bless!! He is Risen!!
SYNOPSIS:
Current Expanded Novel Synopsis:
Detective James “Grady” Gradiosa, is a Savannah, Georgia detective who recently transferred from Atlanta. He relocated after his wife, Elizabeth, was promoted with her real estate firm. He is placed under the charge of Lieutenant Daniel Masters, a gruff 27-year Major Crimes veteran. They are immediately handed a case that will change their lives. Grady is the first to see the abnormalities. But will the rest of the team listen in time? There is a murder on the loose in South Georgia. For some reason, the killer leaves their final victim alive just before committing suicide by cop. But why? Masters and Grady must find out before it’s too late and the killer strikes again.
SNIPPET:
— For this week’s snippet we will continue from where we left off last week.
First a bit of last week’s snippet.—
Branson rounded the island with his gun trained wherever he thought a target could be. LaCrosse followed the same pattern on the left. The room was well furnished. Far better than the front of the house; filled with more probable hiding places: chairs, a couple of couches, two end tables, a dining set, and a gun cabinet. On the side wall was a fireplace, but it seemed improbable she would hide in there. No additional rooms were leading off of this room, only exit doors leading to the patio. Those doors were closed.
“Clear?” LaCrosse asked.
“Clear,” Branson said. He keyed his radio, “Grady. Do you read?”
“10-4. Status?”
“We’ve made our way through the cabin. Subject is not here. Repeat. Thoran is not in the cabin.
WE PICK UP RIGHT WHERE WE LEFT OFF:
Branson and LaCrosse have finished searching the cabin only to find it empty. But where did the shots come from? Maybe the answer lies with the team manning the perimeter?
NEW SNIPPET:
“Understood,” Grady said. “We haven’t seen her exit the structure either.”
“Nettles and Ryan?” LaCrosse asked.
“We’re fine,” Nettles said, keying in. “She knows we’re here. When she shot at us, Ryan’s com fell out of his ear and into the creek. He almost fell in after it. I’m sorry I failed to respond. My concern was getting us out of her firing range.”
“Understood. Glad you two are alright,” LaCrosse replied.
“Yes, we’re up the creek now, awaiting orders.”
“Standby,” Grady said. “We’re blown and not sure where to go now.”
“Just glad everyone is okay,” LaCrosse said.
“Okay,” Branson said. “Let’s not forget we have a serial on the loose here. Stay focused, people. Where could she have gone? We need eyes. She’s back in the woods somewhere.”
“Well, she’s not getting out by road. We’re guarding the entrance,” Grady said.
“And we have a lookout at Craw-and-dads, so she can’t go there,” Nettles said.
“The terrain is too rough or marshy to attempt on foot,” Branson added.
“Does she have a boat?” LaCrosse asked.
“No. We didn’t see a boat on the dock while we were patrolling,” Nettles keyed in.
“But she isn’t above stealing one,” LaCrosse added.
No one spoke.
“Permission to patrol the water, Grady?” Nettles asked.
“Granted,” Grady said. “But be careful. She may still have a weapon, and she knows what you look like.”
“Understood.”
Nettles and Ryan continued downstream, toward the cabin. In their retreat, they had nearly made it back to Craw-and-dad’s dock. Now, heading down to Tanner’s cabin, they passed the dock with the lone boat. Only this time, the dock was empty.
Nettles and Ryan exchanged glances.
“You thinking what I’m thinking,” Ryan said.
Nettles keyed her radio, “We may have a problem here, Grady.”
“Go ahead,” Grady said.
“This may be speculation, but earlier in our approach to Tanner’s cabin, there was a boat docked to a pier not too far upstream,” Nettles began.
“And now it isn’t there?” Grady asked.
“No, sir. It isn’t,” Nettles said.
“Have you witnessed any activity on the water?”
“No sir, nothing at all?”
“Understood,” Grady said. “Return to Tanner’s dock. But proceed with caution. Then head up to the house and meet up with LaCrosse and Branson. Keep eyes and ears open, Nettles.”
“10-4,” Nettles replied.
The cabin is clear, but the creek may be just the beginning. Where is Thoran now, and where is she going? Has she eluded our detectives? What will they find in the cabin now that she had gone? Tune in next week… same Bray time, same Bray channel… 😎👍OR RATHER, same Writing Warrior station. If I haven’t said it, this is one of my favorite scenes. I begin well into it, writing a couple of scenes with LaCrosse and Branson in the woods was a lot of fun. The comradery they share. I am just too excited for this novel to be released.
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In His Exciting Service,
Jeff S. Bray
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Moments for the Heart 
Well done scene, enjoyed the ‘voice’ of the narrative. Just a minor point, when the one character says they’re “up the creek”, is that meant to be humorous? Because it kinda took me out of the serious moment of the police search. If it is supposed to be a joke maybe add a little something to be clear about it?
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As I was posting this I was thinking the same thing. I was, “Well, that sounds kinda off.” When I get the final proof of the book, I should consider changing that line. It does sound a bit humorous given the connotation of the term. To answer your question, no it’s not meant to be humorous. They are literally up the creek. I need to change it to upstream. Thanks for the feedback.
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I caught the same –is this humorous–vibe that Jean caught. I keep waiting for something crazy to happen. You’ve built great tension in this scene. 🙂
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Yes. I read it too when I was posting it. I will change it before it goes to print.
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He is risen indeed! I agree with the others about the up the creek line.
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Hahaha. Glad we are all in consensus. It is humorous, but out of place.
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Great tension is the scene. I didn’t get the same vibe as the others abut the creek line as being humorous. I went back and read it again after I read the other comments just to make sure. I took it they moved up creek as as intended.
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Neither did I when writing it, but when I was posting this, the wording struck me as off. I have changed it to ‘we’re further upstream now”. If the consensus is humor, and I don’t want that, then I must change it to alleviate that confusion. Thanks for your input, Karen.
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So where did she disappear to??
And like everyone else – love the – up a creek – line.
Tweeted.
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Thanks for the retweet, Daryl. I am on the fence about it. Don’t want to detract from the situation with displaced humor. But glad you liked it, nonetheless. Thanks for reading.
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Good tension. I agree with the others about the creek. Glad you’re going to fix it.
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Yes, I hope I can catch it before it goes to print. I should have the final edit for approval from the editor by now. I don’t know what is going on unless we are moving the release date.
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Intense scene! I love in your post intro how you were mention you were given a gift to write and you are sharing it. Sometimes it just helps to read that from others 🙂
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Thank you, Danii. Yes, I just wish I was more obedient in sharing it much earlier in my life instead of waiting until my 40s. Well, my 30s, my Blogspot blog I was in my 30s. But that was WAY before I wrote a word in a novel. Thanks for your encouraging words. Yes it does help. Best to you, my friend.
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Nice intensity levels and descriptions in this episode. It really helps the reader picture the scene. Tweeted.
I struggle with thinking that I’m selfish for wanting to write and neglectful of other areas of my life. While I was still able to work, I always told myself that if I didn’t start making money off my writing, I’d quit doing it and focus on more practical things. But every time I tried I fell into a deep depression. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to quit even though my lack of sales or an audience is an indication that I really ought to throw in the towel.
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Never give up on your dream. Even if it is part-time, if you love it, write. You don’t need to make money off it for it to be something you do regularly.
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