Weekend Writing Warriors 8 – 10/25/2020 – Untitled WIP

Here we are with another thrilling week of Weekend Writing Warrior snippets. As we move through this week it will be the final normal week for a while. After next Saturday I will be diving head first into National Novel Writing Month. Otherwise known as NaNoWriMo. 30 days–50K words–1667 words per day. Of course I will be writing more than 50K words, that is just the challenge target. Both The Five Barred Gate and Little Reminders were 70K+.

I am looking forward to getting this WIP completed. I have been dragging my feet with it long enough. Grady just needs to get moving and catch the killer. First thing is first, seeing what is up with Nelson. And that is were we left off last week.

Here is a bit of last week’s snippet:

“All his personal property is at his residence. We didn’t take anything. No reason to. He was the victim,” said Carmen

A group of voices grew louder through the stairwell, the team, Grady assumed. Probably coming up from the morning debriefing with the chief. The buzzer sounded, and the gate creaked. Four detectives, all in street clothes, walked in. If they weren’t in the station, you probably couldn’t label one an officer. Grady figured that was the point. Other than the holster, each bore their own style. Three men and one female. They all took him in just as he was checking each of them out.


Lieutenant Daniel Masters is a 27-year veteran Savannah Georgia Major Crimes Detective. He has seen many crime scenes like the one he saw last February. Little did he know this one would change his life. Grady, the newest addition to his team, is the first to see the abnormalities, but will the rest of the team listen in time. There is a serial murder on the loose in South Georgia, and for some reason the killer leaves their final victim alive right before committing suicide. But why? Masters and Grady must find out before its too late and the next killer strikes again.


Grady stood and introduced himself. LaCrosse stood a bit taller than he did. His firm handshake bore the callouses of a hardworking man. He wasn’t always an officer Grady concluded. His slightly graying brown hair showed he was the eldest of the group and probably the senior officer.

Mesa and Nettles were practically twins, although opposite sex. Same height, hair color, and they carried themselves in the same manner. The only difference was one was left-handed. Grady could tell by the way their holsters were strapped on. Mesa was the righty. She was next to greet him, her grip near as firm as LaCrosse, save the callouses. Nettles, the southpaw, extended his fist and gave a bump and a head nod completed his welcome.

Branson was with Carmen, Grady figured he would need to begin addressing her as Albanese, something he would need to check on. Just don’t screw this one up. He joined them and introduced himself. Branson’s narrow jaw and tight lips stabbed at him without a touch. He just grunted when Carmen, or Albanese, told him that Grady would be running point on the Nelson search.

Grady got it wrong. LaCrosse was not the senior detective, Branson was. He also couldn’t help but noticed that Branson was older than he was. This should be interesting. Just don’t screw this one up, Grady.

That is this week’s snippet and takes us through Chapter Three. It appears not everyone is happy about the appearance of the new arrival. And we hear Carmen’s warning made an impression upon Grady. Next week we will move into Chapter Four, Grady finds an ally as they move over to inspecting Nelson’s property.

Until next week, take a look below for two promotions I have going on. One of them being a give-away of a signed copy of Little Reminders of Who I Am.

A couple of do-not-miss opportunities this week!!

1. A give-away of Little Reminders of Who I Am
2. $4 off Promotion of Elissa Learns About Thankfulness

Little Reminders of Who I Am Give-Away — Gail Kittleson Blog Promotion
I am a Featured Author on the Gail Kittleson blog. Visit Gail Kittleson’s Author website, and read about Little Reminders. There are instructions there for you to be entered into a drawing for a free signed hardbound copy of Little Reminders of Who I Am.

Elissa Learns About Thankfulness – Available from Amazon
Elissa Learns About Thankfulness – Available from publisher
With Thanksgiving right around the corner, consider this charming story for your little reader. Book 4 in the Elissa the Curious Snail Series finds Elissa living with her human friend Francine. Elissa is sad because she cannot do some of the things her friends can do like fly or run. She eventually learns to be thankful for who she is and what she can do. Find out what that is when you cuddle up and read this book with your little one. It is available on Amazon or the publisher at the links above.

Moments of the Heart is not just this website.

I have a Facebook page that has something going on everyday of the week. Come on over, follow, and interact with my page to check it out! Here is what you can expect to find there.

Monday is Memory Monday – I share an important event that occurred on that Monday or sometime that particular week.

Tuesday is Talk About it Tuesday – I post a weekly video where I cover a topic that has meant something to me over the past week.

Wednesday is when I post my blog for the week.

Thursday is This or That Thursday – A weekly two option poll that raises the question, do you like this, or do you prefer that?

Friday is Fun Fact Friday – I find and share an interesting or obscure fact.

Saturday is for Weekend Writing Warriors – This is when I post my 8 Sentence Snippet from a current or past work.

I really am trying to make it fun and engaging. Something that people look forward to visiting. It has been something that has been on my heart (no pun intended) for a long time and I am now acting on it. I would love your support!!

Important Links!!

Little Reminders of Who I Am is now available for purchase on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and other booksellers.

–The Five Barred Gate is still available on Amazon in Hardback, Paperback, and Kindle versions.

–You can purchase TFBG direct from me on my Home Page. The benefit of buying direct is you will receive a personalized signed copy!!

–My Children’s books, Elissa the Curious Snail are also on Amazon. There are 4 books about an adorable snail teaching children about prayer and believing in themselves.

–Finally you can see all updates regarding the progress of this current Untitled work in progress.

Fellow Warriors, I also have have a weekly blog that is posted in between these snippets. I would love to hear your thoughts.

AND if you have little warriors running around I now have many of my Children’s Short Stories on this website. They were originally on my Elissa the Curious Snail publisher’s website, but I now control that domain and have moved that content here. There are many stories for your little reader. These are great bedtime or anytime short stories.

In His Exciting Service,

Jeff S. Bray

Little Reminders of Who I Am

The Five Barred Gate

Elissa the Curious Snail Series

Check out amazing established and emerging writers at Weekend Writing Warriors. Each week we post new snippets from either published works or works in progress for each other to comment on. Gain insight of how the mind of a writer works and a behind the scenes look at works before they hit book stands everywhere.

20 thoughts on “Weekend Writing Warriors 8 – 10/25/2020 – Untitled WIP

  1. Grady sure is good with details, which is important for his work. Very impressive snippet on that count! I like him…Since this is still in the WIP stage, I will mention I found all these characters which you just introduced in one big scene to be confusing. and then the woman has to be called something else too?! Wow. Maybe it’s just my pandemic reading comprehension abilities LOL but something to ponder…do we really have to ‘know’ them all, all at once? (Grady’s better on identifying details than me…) I did enjoy the snippet – this is a very smooth story.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am wondering if the “ten-line” break was causing the issues. I removed it. If you see this reply, if you can reread it and give me feedback on how it reads now. It still may be info overload, I will make notes and address it during my editing phase in January. Thank you for your feedback. I highly appreciate it!! Sometimes as writers we are blind to our issues.


      1. I think I see the issue. In my mind, I see these people clearly. To the reader, they are new. I am just throwing names out, new characters without giving any real introduction other than a name. I am tossing the reader into the deep end. I need a segue between their entrance and their introduction; perhaps a bit of dialogue here, and not rush the scene along like I have.


  2. I have to admit I was a bit confused about who was who as well. I have been guilty of introducing a lot of characters at once and was told to change it, so it seems to be a fairly common thing. But I did enjoy the descriptions of each of the new characters. Looks like things are about to heat up!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. As I was telling Veronica, I am thinking the “ten-line” break may have been causing the issue. I know it was causing me headaches as I reread it. Ive removed it. If you see this reply, can you reread it and let me know how the flow is now? Thank you for your feedback. That is one reason I love our group. I enjoy getting feedback on stuff I may be blinded to.


  3. Quite a fascinating and varied cast of characters here. One really gets a good feel for them from the descriptions.
    I don’t know if I’ll attempt NaNoWriMo this year. If I use that platform to write anything but erotica, whatever I create is always a mutant monstrosity and not in a good way. I tried to do something with my 2011 NaNo experiment earlier in the year and I still couldn’t bear the sight of it!
    ~Cie from Naughty Netherworld Press and Readers Roost~

    Liked by 1 person

    1. In the previous snippet, Masters introduces her to him as Carmen. But, now that the team is together, everyone is using last names. He is not sure if Carmen is too personal and should use her last name, Albanese, They were alone when that introduction took place. So, that is why Grady is questioning it.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. I meant to also say that I enjoyed the snippet and I’m looking forward to reading more of them but I’m a derp and forgot to type that out because apparently you should just know or something. Also it’s late and I’m not braining well right now.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Don’t screw this one up, Grady! 😉 He’s pretty tough on himself. 🙂 But I like that. Attention to details–he does it well.

    One thing jumped out at me–prolly because I’m hip-deep in edits right now. The word “stood” in two sentences in a row: “Grady stood and introduced himself. LaCrosse stood a bit taller than he did. ” It kind of catches in my mind while I read it. I think the second one is pretty important. Maybe the first one could be deleted? During my editing, I discovered that I use the word “Stood” a lot. A. LOT. SO I used my ‘find’ function on ms word and checked each. I deleted so, so many.

    Good luck with NaNo!! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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